enriched soil

In the middle of a conversation with a friend, whining and complaining about life and the current state of affairs with my workweek, I blurted out that I needed more enrichment.  It came as a total surprise to me as I was unaware of needing, or lacking, said enrichment.  It sort of popped out of my mouth.  It was hovering in my subconscious for weeks, and before I had a chance to reflect on what I actually meant, I spilled "I just need more enrichment in my life"


And it sounds a little bourgeois.  Something I never considered myself to be, nor did I ever hope to discover about myself.  My life is actually quite fulfilling at the moment, and upon reflection, it sounds quite selfish, and dare I say pessimistic, to ask for more.
A pessimistic bourgeois - I shudder at the thought.


But it's true, my life is incredibly satisfying.  I have a wonderful husband with whom I share a very deep, respective and understanding relationship.  Through our (almost) 4 years of marriage, we have cultivated a partnership that goes beyond what I had originally hoped a marriage to be.  I have amazing friends that are supportive, interesting, comical and loyal - all of the major qualities I use when defining a friend.  As far as personal relationships go, I am well fulfilled and connected.  


I am in the middle of training for my first half-marathon race, and although this may sound crazy to all of you non-runners out there, as well as myself circa 2009 and before, I am thoroughly enjoying the process.  Sure, my knees are sore, and I have a blister larger than a Mexican cockroach on my left foot, but the overall training has been deeply rewarding.  It's an amazing feeling to push my body further and further each week and achieve milestones I never thought possible.  And the running itself is a release - a time for me and me only.  I commune with nature soaking in the different sights and smells of the great outdoors, and most of all, I let my mind relax.  My body is doing all of the work, so my mind goes on a temporary vacation.  It simply floats from thought to thought.  Rather than anxiously running (no pun intended) my to-do list for the week, month, life in general - I basically drift. It's my meditation.  


So, you might ask, and I have asked myself since this crazy enrichment statement, what is missing?  You, my dear blog.  You.  I miss writing.  I miss the creative passion within my soul, and writing has always been the best way to set it free.  It's my creative self that I have been shutting out for too long.  The part of me that gets shoved to the side by other "more important" and demanding requirements.  And I think it's only become more obvious now that I am in the workforce.  While in school, I was constantly using my creativity - whether to write an article for the school paper, layout a new page design, come up with a research paper - my creative self was constantly being put to the test.  Whereas my work place simply requires me to push paper and monitor customer accounts.  Although not always easy, it's much of the same day in and day out.  


But it's time for a change and no more excuses.   Embracing my optimistic side, which is getting much stronger as I get further into this blog, I challenge myself to find that enrichment. To set aside the time to unleash creative, not-at-all pessimistic, or bourgeois Davina.