Pining

While driving through my college campus last weekend I was struck by the oddest feeling- sadness.

I really miss college.

During school I spent most of my time thinking about how much “easier” and “better” life was going to be when I graduated. I anticipated the days when I would no longer have the responsibilities of writing papers, studying for exams or attending lectures. When I felt bogged down by the amount of studying or writing I had to do, I always made myself feel better by counting down the weeks left in the semester. To help me trudge through I would reason, “Sure I have a 22 page paper to chunk out in three days, but in two more weeks it will all be over!”

Life didn’t get any easier. In fact, it got a whole lot harder.

Gone are the days of variety and discovering new things. The workday generally consists of the same routine day in and day out and surprises don’t happen very often. Classes on the other hand were always introducing new concepts or ideas, and although I didn’t always agree with these thoughts or theories they usually gave me something new to think about.

I yearn for the challenges of college. I miss juggling my various classes and the feeling of achievement when I received a good grade on a test or essay. The constant feedback of doing well, or not so well, gave me a sense of progress. I was on a path to self-betterment.

I also miss the freedom. If I wasn’t feeling well, or simply wanted to skip down to the beach for the afternoon, I had no one to answer to except myself. As long as I made up the work, or received the notes from a classmate, I was in the green. Could you imagine skipping out on work for the afternoon simply because you thought it was nice outside? Hardly. I can see my boss’ reaction now.

I went to one of the most beautiful colleges in the country. Nestled upon a hill in San Diego, the landscape and location always made me feel as though the world was at my feet. I felt that equipped with a Liberal Arts education from a good institution, I could accomplish anything. Upon graduation I would start my ideal job and my career would take me to fun and exciting places. Office work was not what I had imagined.

But there is still time, and I am still quite young. The world is my oyster and I have the opportunity to make whatever I want out of myself. Hopefully, my college education will help take me to those career places I dreamed about only a few short years ago.

If not, I could always go back.

Food Evolution

I grew up in a house where food was a necessity. Eating wasn’t something we particularly enjoyed doing. We simply did it because we needed it to survive. In fact, cooking (and the inevitable long clean up) is something my family members, myself included, didn’t enjoy doing. We ate out quite often and did our best to have simple and smaller meals.

Not to say that I didn’t enjoy the occasional Irish Stew Mom would make on ‘colder’ winter days (please note that colder is in quotations as it refers to Vegas cold and after living in Michigan I know that is NOT cold). I also looked forward to the Irish Breakfast Fry Dad would do on Sunday mornings. But I definitely didn’t think about the food I would be eating. Or long for it.

Things have since changed. I now dream about what I am going to eat, how I am going to eat it, where I am going to eat it, and what exactly it is going to taste like.

And no, I am not a fatty.

Scott opened my eyes to the world of food. When we started dating he pushed my food comfort zone and encouraged me to try food I had refused to even look at only months prior. He pushed me into eating sushi, Thai food, Mexican food (because I learned that Taco Bell was in fact not Mexican food), Vietnamese food, Spicy food, Health Nut food- you name it, he encouraged me to try it.

Now, I must be upfront here, my husband is a fantastic cook. And, truth be told, if he wasn’t so good at it I probably wouldn’t be open to eating all these different types of meals. But I struck gold with Scott (in more ways than one), and everything he touches in the kitchen tastes like heaven. I’m a lucky girl.

Over the course of our five year relationship, I have become more and more involved with his cooking and food choices. In the early stages I was simply a food victim, being bullied into trying the different, and sometimes odd looking, plates he put before me. I have since evolved and now like to help pick out the recipes in our cookbooks or on various internet cooking sites. I also, and this is a huge change from pre-foodie Davina, enjoy accompanying him to the grocery store to pick out the necessary ingredients.

Unfortunately though, his cooking abilities have yet to rub off on me. Meals I attempt to make never taste as flavorful and always seem to be missing something that he nails every time. As my mom said after sampling my fish tacos, “It’s good, Davi, but it’s obviously not Scotty’s.” Thanks, Mom.

In the meantime, I will continue to be Scott’s little sous-chef. But I won’t complain, it’s actually quite the gig.

Attempting to run

I have started running. Which, for anyone who knows me well enough, is odd.

I actually hate running. Well, I used to hate running, now I am starting to find it a little more tolerable.

It all started because I wanted to spend more time outside during the warmer months in Michigan. Why didn't I pick up biking you ask? Well, my poor baby, Mea, is stuck inside all day and she needs to spend some time outside too. It's really hard for her to keep up with the bike, so I usually end up pedaling at snail pace and get absolutely no exercise out of the routine.

So, Scott and I decided on running. He began first- taking Mea for a brief one mile run in the mornings while I worked out in the living room to various Exercise TV routines. When he came home he always looked refreshed and ready for the day. Eventually his comments about the gorgeous flowers blooming made me jealous and I decided to sign up for running too.

I have been running religiously for a week. We did about 4.5 miles last week (I know, I am almost a pro) and some days were better than others. Friday was a tough fun- I truly thought I was going to die at the end of it.

I am hoping I stick with this as I usually tend to abandon things after a week or two of zealous effort. It's actually quite nice to run in the mornings when the rest of the world is slowly waking up. I love the smell of the morning dew, the soft sunlight breaking over the trees and houses, and the lack of noisy distractions.

It's my time of reckless abandonment, as silly as that may sound. Although I feel like keeling over, or vomiting from exhaustion at the 3/4 mark, I am always really glad I decided to do it.

My relationship with running, thus far, is quite contradictory. My joy peaks twice during the jog- at the very beginning when I first hit the pavement and then again at the very end when I know it's all over.

Michigan Circle

Making friends isn’t always easy.

You pack up your life, move 2,000 miles across the country to a new city, which although is still in the United States, has a whole different culture and feel to it, you can’t expect to make friends overnight.

But that’s exactly what I expected.

I have always been a ‘social butterfly’, as I have been fondly referred to over the years. I am used to having a social circle, that I prefer to be in the center of, at all times. Throughout my life, I was never alone on a Friday or Saturday night- there was always someone I could call up.

When I moved to Michigan that all changed. Of course I had Scotty to hang out with, and although we always have a great time together, I needed more friends. I also needed girlfriends.

I needed girls that I could complain to about my period, my overly logical husband, my bad hair, my fat belly and the importance of eating chocolate on a daily basis- because they would share their experiences and empathize with me. Boys usually have a tough time understanding certain women’s tendencies or cravings.

My first closest girlfriend in Michigan arrived just when I needed one most. She worked with me at my last company, and although quite a few years older than me and pregnant, we had a lot in common. We connected instantly and she became my best friend when I needed a girlfriend most.

She listened to me bitch about the shared problems we were experiencing at work. And she helped me through my roughest time of traveling- when panic attacks consumed me by night and exhaustion ruined me by day. I listened to her adventures of being a stepmom, her apprehensions about becoming a new mother, and her excitements about the sex of the pending baby growing inside her (which turned out I was right, and it was a girl!)

For a year, we spent Monday through Friday together in a shared office. We worked together, laughed at our shared work misery, goofed off playing Reversi and watching True Blood, and dreamed about the joys of summer when things were miserably cold. I am not sure she has any idea how much her friendship means to me, or how much she saved me when things were really rough in Michigan, but she truly did. I would be lost without her.

Stacey helped me get back on the friendship horse.

When I started at my current job, I was able to quickly build a social circle of friends. Stacey built up my friendship confidence again, and our friendship reminded me of the importance of having close friends in my life.

A number of my co-workers are around my age and share a lot of common interests, so it was actually quite easy. They are a great group of people and my days wouldn’t be the same without them. I have finally started building my Michigan social circle, and they are really starting to feel like a second family.

Browser Addict

I am addicted to online… browsing. I enjoy spending time on my favorite clothing stores’ websites. On a weekly basis I find myself placing new items in my Ann Taylor, Nordstrom, Express, Victoria’s Secret or Banana Republic virtual shopping bags. 

Most of the clothes I browse look much better online than they do in person. Those two-bit skinny models have the capacity to make almost anything gorgeous, thus increasing my odds at wanting it for myself. I usually pick a random assortment of items, and to be completely honest, most are things I normally wouldn’t purchase while shopping at a ‘real’ mall. 

$250 peep toe shoes- no problem- throw them in the shopping bag! $100 passion pink colored pencil skirt- I would look fabulous in that too- throw it in! $80 silk scarf with beaded accents- it’s the perfect spring item- adding it is only one click away. CLICK!

I enjoy picturing myself in these different outfits (and of course I look just as good, if not better than the models pictured in the outfits). I like to imagine where I would wear my new sexy outfits, and how multitudes of people will stop me in the streets to compliment me on my style and grace. During my virtual shopping sprees, I am a more sophisticated, better dressed, elegantly clad Davina. 

It’s all fun and games until I actually click on “Purchase Your Items”. Those three little words have the capacity to make my online fantasy instantly disappear. And I am left with the hard truth that my new shoes, pencil skirt and scarf are going to put me back about $330- and that’s before shipping and taxes!!! Puh-lease. 

And reality begins to set in. It takes me about 2 days of work to make that kind of money. 16+ hours of slaving away at the office to only buy 3 pieces of clothing??!! I would be insane to make that type of purchase! I have a mortgage, student loans, car loans, insurance, and various otheI am addicted to online… browsing. I enjoy spending time on my favorite clothing stores’ websites. On a weekly basis I find myself placing new items in my Ann Taylor, Nordstrom, Express, Victoria’s Secret or Banana Republic virtual shopping bags. 

Most of the clothes I browse look much better online than they do in person. Those two-bit skinny models have the capacity to make almost anything gorgeous, thus increasing my odds at wanting it for myself. I usually pick a random assortment of items, and to be completely honest, most are things I normally wouldn’t purchase while shopping at a ‘real’ mall. 

$250 peep toe shoes- no problem- throw them in the shopping bag! $100 passion pink colored pencil skirt- I would look fabulous in that too- throw it in! $80 silk scarf with beaded accents- it’s the perfect spring item- adding it is only one click away. CLICK!

I enjoy picturing myself in these different outfits (and of course I look just as good, if not better than the models pictured in the outfits). I like to imagine where I would wear my new sexy outfits, and how multitudes of people will stop me in the streets to compliment me on my style and grace. During my virtual shopping sprees, I am a more sophisticated, better dressed, elegantly clad Davina. 

It’s all fun and games until I actually click on “Purchase Your Items”. Those three little words have the capacity to make my online fantasy instantly disappear. And I am left with the hard truth that my new shoes, pencil skirt and scarf are going to put me back about $330- and that’s before shipping and taxes!!! Puh-lease. 

And reality begins to set in. It takes me about 2 days of work to make that kind of money. 16+ hours of slaving away at the office to only buy 3 pieces of clothing??!! I would be insane to make that type of purchase! I have a mortgage, student loans, car loans, insurance, and various other bills to pay first. So, I don’t. I clear out my shopping bag and abandon the site.

Not to worry though, like clockwork I will be back next week. r bills to pay first. So, I don’t. I clear out my shopping bag and abandon the site.

Not to worry though, like clockwork I will be back next week. 

Puppy Obsession

Back when I worked part-time at State Farm, I used to spend my ‘downtime’ browsing pictures of puppies for sale. I could spend hours (of course without my boss’ knowledge) looking at all of the adorable puppies for sale. I spent months scrolling through the different sites, with hundreds of furry little faces peering out at me begging to be taken home.

I bugged my boyfriend, now husband, incessantly about my dire need for a dog in my life. But he insisted that neither of us were in a position to take care of a puppy at that time. And, as usual, he was right. I lived in a tiny 200 square foot studio apartment with no yard. He shared a two story house that had a minimal yard with 2 other recent college grads and a golden retriever- it hardly needed another creature to add to the mess.

Per usual, I ignored his practical advice and begged for a puppy (and a ring) every Christmas. Begging might be a bit too extreme; rather, I implored for those items. And each Christmas morning, much to my disappoint and surprise, they never came.

The ring actually came first on a beautiful August evening in San Diego. After that, I was able to check the ring off the next year’s Christmas list and focus my efforts on adopting a puppy. That coming Christmas, I made sure to write PUPPY three times at the top of my list. I reasoned that it was my year to make it happen- the ring had finally come so the puppy was sure to follow.

Once again my fiancé (no longer boyfriend, but not yet husband) reasoned that a puppy was impractical. He was applying to grad schools all over the country and there was no way to guarantee we would end up in San Diego, let alone live in a pet friendly place.

Reluctantly I abandoned the argument for a couple of months. I was in the middle of finishing up my senior year in college and planning the wedding of my dreams. I was too busy disagreeing with him about wedding colors and menu choices to even mention what type of dog I wanted.

But that doesn’t mean I had stopped dreaming about my future puppy.

Whenever I was frustrated with writing a paper, or sick of looking at different wedding favors I would find myself searching for puppies, or better yet- my puppy. I reassured myself that one day, when all of the craziness of wedding planning and moving across the country was over I would get a cuddly little puppy to call my own.

I actually had a name picked out before I even decided the type of breed I wanted, let alone actually adopted my puppy. I knew I wanted a girl- boy dogs can be a handful with the need to mark their territory everywhere. I also knew that we were headed to the cold, freezing, snowy and landlocked Mid-West so Scott could attend grad school at the University of Michigan. With those two things in mind, I decided I wanted her name to remind me of the ocean- soft sand, sunny skies and beautiful waves- so I picked Waimea. It is one of my most favorite beaches in Hawaii.

After my years of waiting, the day we finally decided to buy a puppy was upon me much faster than I expected. And much to my surprise, my puppy didn’t come from one of the thousands of websites I had spent countless hours perusing. She came from a lovely breeder where I was given the opportunity to hand-pick her myself.

She came home with us when she was 7 weeks old and has filled our lives with joy and happiness since then! Of course we have our ups and downs- as a puppy she had an affinity for going #2 on my most favorite rug because it slightly resembles grass. And now, as an overgrown puppy she enjoys chewing magazines, paper and the blinds in my kitchen. But I wouldn’t trade her for anything in the world.

She is the bright spot in my day when everything else in the world is dull and gray.

Spring is coming!

The last 4 to 5 months have been nightmarish. I went without seeing the sun for weeks at a time. I trudged through snow up to my knees. And was frozen stiff from the blistering 10-20 mph winds.

But, I am glad to say, I believe it may be over. For the last week or so, I have felt the warmth of the sun on my face. The snow is melting- only a few patches under incessant shade remain stubborn. And the buds, yes buds, are sprouting on the tree in my front yard.

Winter has been hellish, but I am glad to leave it behind me. Farewell to nights spent on the couch cuddled under the blanket wondering if I would ever feel warm again. Adios to the days where it was so cold I was in pain, severe pain, running from my car into the grocery store. And au revoir to the 4:45 pm sunsets- going to and from work in the dark can really take a toll on my overall well being.

Winter can make people do crazy things. In A Reliable Wife the author talks about citizens from the early 1900s living in Wisconsin committing heinous, gory crimes with characters reasoning these acts away simply- they are the affects of winter.

With modern conveniences such as heat, TV and the internet, people have found better ways to pass the cold and bitter nights. But there are still some of us that feel an unsettling feeling stirring inside of us when winter is in full swing. I will admit that there were times this winter, I almost lost my mind. I was insensibly emotional, slightly erratic and almost constantly irritable. There were days when I was brought to tears for no other reason than the cold.

I am ready to embrace my spring and summer self. Delight in the Davina that relishes in the warmth. The person who has the energy to exercise, to stay out later at night and wake up feeling refreshed! I am ready for the spring, in all its bright and beautiful color, to awake my hibernating soul and come out and play.

Like a child anticipating summer break, I am breathlessly awaiting that first blossom.